rIcHeL1609

so this is actually the last time i would post an entry here….. i already have a bloghost so bye friendster blog….. i actually thought na it would be safer there coz’ few people knew about it…
and the lesser the better…..
so i just want to have a proper goodbye to this blog……sniff! hehehe…… andami n kc nagrereklamo noh…. kyah tama nah d2….
but just to update bout’ my life this past few days its been great……
i’ve got to know a few people and that’s a good thing… i hope?!!….. yeap….mdyoh nashock lng akoh wid some of the revelations….. pero im not sayng its bad or anything….. i actually like it… because there comfortable of sharing there (innermost?!!!) thoughts wid me, eventhough its really hard to handle sometimes but its ok coz i easily adapt on those certain situations…..

so i’m like over the whole drama of love and being confused because im so preoccupied of this job…. ang bilis tlgah….parang its a good thing na rin kc nakakalimutan koh ung mgah masalimuot na bagay bagay……

last night our whole team went out…. libre ni TL kc bday last week and ngayon ung celebration cnaktong team building na rin……. muntik na ngah akong hndi sumama kc rest day ko un and i want to rest……. buti n lng i changed my mind kc oki naman ang nangyari…. we end up having fun….. at first time kong hndi nlasing pero i think sumakit ung ulo koh kc sobrang kulit ng mgah ksama nmin…. as in lumabas lhat ng tunay na kulay….. and there’s certain revelations na lumabas at prang may agenda na naman ako nito tomorrow…….. pero un it was really a lot of fun and i want to thank the whole team especially c big brother for everything…..

funny how they thought na me and daddy alec have something going on……. at pinipilit nila akong mgbgay ng explanation about it…..there’s actually nothing to explain were good friends alec is my daddy and im his bhe….. and his like that to everybody his closed to…. cguroh msyado lng obvious ung closeness namin kya sken naibaling ung attention…….

so thats it i’ve updated this thing but i thnk its going to be the last time…..or if ever hindi msyadong revealing ung mgah ipopost koh then i would update this from time to time…..

"what’s really goin through your mind right now?" i wanted to ask that question so many times but i cant find the perfect timing……coz’ it just might be treated as a joke haaaayyyyyy……life can be so unfair…. "Is someone up there really trying to test my patience?…. why is this happening to me?

No matter how hard i try i just cant seem to find the right reasons…… "stick to the plan!!!" that’s what i keep telling myself….. stick to what i promised to do……and stick to the promise i made
i hate being involved!!!! its not really the way i want things to fall into…. I just simply want a normal life with less complications and hardships (wOOOOOOOOWW……this really is not me talking, its someone who’s supposed to be sleeping right now…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….)

god knows im really trying my best to get over some stuff…….its just not that easy because……….i have no idea why because…… No idea…….

but I’ll keep trying kahit masiraan nkoh ng uloh kakaisisp kung panoh…i’ll still manage to do so….
i always will……me fah!!!!

kc naman bkit may word na "JARGON"…….. pti tuloy emotions koh "JARGONS" na rin….. putsa sabog nkoh i really need to get some sleep…..

Those certain beings are trying to make my life so damn COMPLICATED!!!!!!!

sabi ng QA koh mag probe lng daw akoh ng magprobe prah malaman ko ung problem ni cx….. Gawin ko kyah sa real life un? Mag work kyah……..malaman ko rin kyah kung ano ung dapat kong malaman may dr. dsl at poll dslam bang tutulong sakin?………

so many questions but the answers all unknown and not yet to be determined…….

Yup!!!! thats my title!!! & it supposed to mean the way it supposed to……
I’m sorry to all the people that i’ve been mean to yesterday…..it wasn’t intentional its just the wrong mood in the wrong time and i expressed it to the people im not supposed to expressed it on…..

i apologize to mah an, i made her teary eyed this morning but i’m not mad, really just a little upset but no worries i dont hold grudges…….
i just hate to be taken for granted by some people, its not really that im expecting sumting in return it’s just that at least compromise with me…. but i understand if u dont want to……i mean who am i to ask u to compromise right?……. oh yeah!!! i already promise to get over this….. so i did or until i finish this post hehe!!!

and lastly….. I shouldn’t make this apology to someone but I wil… just to get over with it…. so that’s it im sorry for being mean bitchhhhhhh…(like that person cares..?!!!!) oh yeah the promise!!! totally forgot about it…… so everything is where its suppose to be….i hope!!!! so to wrap everything up i apologize to my brain (what the fuck?!!!!!) hahaha!!!!!! for making it think more than its suppose to……

and im back to my crazy self again!!!!!!!! no more tears(like the baby shampoo…) i’m going to survive this….. what’s the use of the people’s advice if i’m not taking it…… blah blah blah!!!!

im bored!!! i dont have to report to work until tuesday and my shift changed from evening to morning and I mean EARLY MORNING……. sheeeeeeeesssssssh…..at least i can get a break from all the emotions around me….and the good thing is….I still have a hazard pay…yeahhhhhhhh……

sorry, sorry, sorry, hehe i promise certain people not to post anymore blogs that contains stuff like this……..sorry can’t keep that promise….

until my next post…

Alright you can….. just dont tell me u did….. I Don’t know i just thought nobody would pay attention to what f@^6!!!!! i wrote here hehehe….I Wish!!! well couple of people told me they read my post ummmm….ok so u know that doesnt mean im in grave danger… right?!!!! ok so someone pretended that they haven’t read my first post but i think that someone lied bigtime…..(like how can u miss my first post its just scrolling down hmmmp!!!!) heheh!!!scary the way i think today!!!! i still manage to be silly even though im so sleepy (yawn..)….. i dont know what to think anymore people started to feed my mind with stuff aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! its really so confusing….. there’s always the what ifs…. i hate what ifs… but what if….. right?… can i deal with it the way i want to deal with it or the way  people think im supposed to deal with it…..(god!!!  im even confused  while writing this stuff!!!!) i dont know anymore but i hope everybodies wrong…. coz right now i have no clue "if ever" that  happens i’ll be a total mess…. am i just clueless as everybody else or am i just stupid to fall on my own trap……stupid isn’t it….. well u have to be stupid sometimes to learn something…….. but does it really have to be this confusing……

Been running from this feeling for so long
Telling my heart I didn’t need it
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it’s just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I feel inside

But I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath of you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smile each morning
Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you, oh I
I need to be next to you
Need to be next to you

Right here with you is right where I belong
I lose my mind if I can’t see you
Without you there’s nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can’t make it if you’re not there
I can’t fight what I feel any more

Cause I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath of you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smile this morning
Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you, oh I
I need to be next to you
I need to have your arms next to mine for all the time
Holding for all my life
I need to be next to you
I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
Need to be, need to be next to you
Share every breath of you
I need to feel you in my arms, baby, in my arms baby
I need to be next to you

Oh what can I say…

I won’t cry no more, I won’t drown in my tears
I won’t die no more, I’ve

OK!!!! so this blog thing isn’t a good thing…… if u keep on writing ur secrets that u want to keep as a….ccret well just take my word for it…. its not going to be one if u post it…..how stupd can i be?!!!!! so well another confusing day but its really not the reason why my title is like that…..if u read this ull know…..

woooooohhhh……. what a night… we had our first calls this morning around 3 am, me and alec were buddies who unfortunately got the first irate caller (well his not that irate, maybe i’m just too nervous… whatever) and the funny thing is i was so nervous while listening and im not even the one whos taking the call so i wasn’t a resourceful buddy at all…. then our mentor karl took over the call coz the cx(Jargons!!!) was the kind of irate…..then after the call i was next and i dont know what came over me, maybe im just really really nervous that i can’t even breathe…. then tears start to fall from my eyes and i can’t stop it (PANICKED!!!!) i dont know really what came over me, i think its pressure mostly…. then everyone’s comforting and looking at me like i’m a freak or something(coz when someone comforts me i tend to cry more…)  and i hate myself for that!!! but it calmed me down…and i took my call (aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!)i was still nervous but i was dealing with it….  oh yeahhhh so i cried everyone’s teasing me…..telling me i’m the best actress hahaha!!!! i’m going to get better and we’ll see who gets the last laugh!!! no just kidding… i’m not mad so i do apologize(EMPHATHY?!!!) to those people that i’m not smiling at and wasn’t talking to that much….you know who u are……..i just dont have enough energy this morning……i still luv yah!!! i’ll make it up to u guys……well i have to take calls again tonight hopefully it gets better….wish me luck…..

Why Can’T I video by Liz Phair @ VideoCodeZone.com

This past few weeks has been the most confusing weeks of my life….
I’m not just talking about the training but something or maybe someone… hmmm…….
i just cant figure out what the hell is really wrong with me….
i have this act of initiating something and i dont know when im suppose to stop or take my silly jokes seriously…..maybe thats the downside of being a jolly person or a joker coz’ I’m the one who gets confused at the end…

I’m back to where i always started….frightened of what’s really going to happened, im not that sure if im doing the "not the right thing but the suppose to do thing…." whatever that means…..ill find out in my own ways….and i’ll find out soon enough… if the jokes really on me…..